Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.

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(567): View more from Ohio

what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon

(419): View more from Ohio

well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list

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