Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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