is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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