Is it because I queefed?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hippo gnu deer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
