i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
