I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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