I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
