sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
