some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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