You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize