remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am mentally ready for anal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
