Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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