your parents love me but you hate me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
