Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
