you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
