grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
