U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
