Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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