You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
