I'm eating all of the evidence.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
