My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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