i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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