she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
