i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
