Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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