why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
