i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
