if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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