I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
