It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
