Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
