shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
