i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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