Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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