waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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