You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
