so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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