I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
