my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
