now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
