before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
