I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
