i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
