My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
