his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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