Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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