I will die if light touches me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
