Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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