Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
