I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
