I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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