i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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