so explain again why im purple
no
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We are all done wearing pants today
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
