I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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