Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just high enough for therapy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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