I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
