I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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