he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
