lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
