This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
