just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
