Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
