I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
