am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
two words...techno handjob
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
